Viewing: Peace - View all posts

Upon the Horrifying Realization My Oldest Child is a Grown-Up 

I sat in a soft chair on the Mezzanine of the exquisite Joseph Smith Memorial Building in Salt Lake City and cried as I watched the back of your 18-year-old person walk to the elevators and disappear to floor 9. Son, you may wonder why I cried. You've had other jobs. This should have been no different. But it was. It was very different. You see, I realized today you're a grown-up. You may argue that 18 is not a grown-up but see why I got all choked up today and then convince me you haven't grown up yet. 

Dear Brittany  

Dear Brittany,

Brittany, as you move forward with your plan to end your life early, I wish to speak to you as one who was left behind. 

On this day eighteen years ago (October 29, 1996), surrounded by family and loved ones, my late-husband, Mark Allan Van Horn, age 26, slipped peacefully through the veil that separates this mortal world from immortality. Like you, he suffered from a terminal and inoperable brain cancer. But we didn’t consciously know he was dying of an inoperable brain tumor because we…

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Peace Like A River 

Two rivers of tears rush down my cheeks as I write. Tomorrow is his birthday. He would have been forty-three.

I was a young woman in my early twenties, kneeling on the floor of a bathroom stall pouring the agony of my heart out to God, pleading for strength to let go of the greatest love I had ever known.  My young husband, attached to "life" support, lay in a bed at the end of the ICU hallway. Our precious baby boy was at home with my sister.  A horrifying storm of emotions rolled inside of me, nearly…Read more